There is something alluring about people who hold their ground and stick firmly to their beliefs.
These are the sorts of people that many of us admire, respect, and strive to be like. We want to be unshakable because it is often synonymous with mental strength, even with power.
Almost all of the great leaders throughout history shared some of these traits. It is in our nature to seek stability, and so we look for it in ourselves, in our leaders, and romantic partners.
If you ask someone what they found admirable about certain inspiring public figures or people in their lives, there is a chance that their tenacity and unwillingness to give up or give in will make it to the list.
The world’s view of tenacity is largely positive. Different cultures admire, encourage, and inspire this quality in others. It reflects a sense of groundedness and the ability to endure a magnitude of challenges to achieve our goals.
But when do we start to become so grounded that we paradoxically lose our footing?
Once we achieve a certain level of success, the people who admire us shower us with affection, be they our romantic partners, followers, or apprentices.
It is akin to the honeymoon phase in relationships or the early stages of a new project; we become overcome with joy and we work harder to become even better at what we do or who we are in people’s eyes.
Once we feel comfortable with what we have achieved, many of us become blinded by praise, crippled by routine.
We no longer challenge ourselves or engage with people who challenge us. Our social circle may expand and we may meet new people that we can learn from, but whether knowingly or not, we prefer to keep only those who agree with us.
Because if you were confident in yourself, why would you look for opinions or critiques of your work or what you stand for? Once that idea slithers into our heads, that is when we walk into the trap.
We are quick to label those who critique us as “haters.” We block our ears to any criticism or advice, and recoil from self-reflection.
We become inflexible, rigid, and dogmatic. The very traits that no person with a curious mind would want to intentionally be associated with.
We argue that we are staying true to our core values. We forget that values and beliefs do not have to oppose each other.
One can value tradition without rejecting progression. One can believe in order and laws without advocating for authoritarianism. And one can value humility without diminishing self-worth.
Humanity has always swung between extremes.
We have witnessed and continue to witness what rigidity and inflexibility can do to us. What monsters are born from within when we are put on a pedestal and worshipped. What calamities befall us when we forget to question our beliefs and decisions.
As we side-eye politicians, celebrities, and other powerful entities, we forget that no one is truly immune, not the talented chef, the straight-A student, or you and I.
Our firmness when unchecked slips into stagnation. Our tenacity morphs into endearing stubbornness, and once this stubbornness loses purpose, it morphs into rigidity, prejudice, and cruelty.
“Me and my friends” soon becomes “me versus people who disagree with me. ”
Friends who disagree kindly become suspicious in our eyes. Are they fake friends? Strangers who disagree with us become our enemies. Now we are quick to put them in the same category as those who actually try to harm us.
Those who flatter us without question become our refuge, a temporary one, until they leave us behind and move to someone smarter, greater.
The world becomes a narrow space. Life becomes a graveyard, where creativity, open mindedness, humility, even tenacity, are buried so that narcissism may survive.
If we are careful enough not to fall or climb up into that trap, we may at least feel lost in life. And if you acknowledge that feeling lost can at times be a necessary evil, you stand on both feet and begin to search for yourself again.
You search for those who can challenge you. You read opinions that oppose yours. You let yourself find the errors in your logic, and instead of patching up your mistakes, you correct yourself and let your mind heal.
You allow the ice around your heart to melt into compassion for yourself and for others. You listen to a critic’s advice as if it was coming from a friend. Whether they meant you harm or not, you take what could serve you and better you and leave what would not.
You find a healthy balance. One that combines an edge and a softness. One where you are grounded neither too shallow to where you lose yourself nor too deep to where you lose the world.
Our world is shaped by duality. Good cannot exist without evil, light cannot exist without darkness, and one side of a coin cannot exist without the other.
The other side of the coin here is constant exposure to opposing core values.
Just as we must find humility to question ourselves and let others challenge us, we must also put a limit to how far these challenges can go.
Surrounding ourselves with people with ideas and values that do not resonate with ours for a long time can be just as harmful as completely ignoring them. It can make us feel drained and even lead us astray.
You cannot put a free spirited person in a strict environment, or a structure-oriented individual in a group of chaotic creatives and expect them to thrive.
This extends to work environments, countries of residence, friend groups, career paths, and many more aspects of life.
If the ego is a treasure chest that keeps all of our desires, finding a community that shares our core values is the key. If the Self is an open treasure chest, fear of change is its lock.
In the end, let us not forget that the only constant is change.
